


Twister

by Katie (katieandsav)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gabriel has a wordy inner monologue, Gabriel ships Destiel, He's also a little shit, M/M, Sam gets pissed off, Twister - Freeform, i guess, it certainly isn't serious, katie's shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-10 00:31:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieandsav/pseuds/Katie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an attempt to alleviate his severe boredom, Gabriel suggests a game of Twister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twister

 

Boredom draped over the room like a moldy old towel. It was so close to tangible that Gabriel could imagine a gigantic knife appearing to slice through the viscous lethargy like it was butter. (In fact, he almost made this musing of his imagination reality just so he could have something to do.)

Gabriel himself lay upside down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. Sam sat at the table, tapping away on his laptop in a busy manner. After a quick glance at the screen of the computer, Gabriel was able to affirm that Sam was not, in fact, doing anything productive—instead, he appeared to have some sort of art application open and was scribbling squiggles all over the canvas. As Gabriel watched, Sam drew something that looked like a dick. Gabriel snorted. The Winchester, despite his façade of “intelligence and maturity beyond the comprehension of the morons that surrounded him,” (Sam really did have a pretentious inner monologue when he thought no one was listening) was just as immature as Gabriel.

Dean and Cas were sitting on the same couch—on opposite sides, mind you, because they liked to pretend that it wasn’t blatantly obvious that every creepily-long look at each other stirred up an insatiable sexual desire within their loins. Even someone with the social adeptness of a cabbage ( _cough Castiel cough_ ) could see that, quite frankly, the two wanted to bang until the cows came home.

They were so gross.

“I’m bored,” Gabriel whined, sitting up again.

“Shut the hell up, Gabriel,” Dean grunted in his usual eloquent manner. Even Cas shot Gabe a look, his pissed off expression surprisingly similar to that of an alpaca who had bitten into a particularly vile clump of grass.

Gabriel disappeared, reappearing in Sam’s lap. The Winchester released a surprised sound, nearly knocking his laptop off the table.

“What the—?” Sam yelped.

“I’m bored, moose!” complained Gabriel again, poking Sam’s chest. This resulted in a cough of, “Gay!” from Dean. Gabriel turned his eyes on the older Winchester. “Says you. You’re more homo than gay porn—that is, of course, going on the assumption that the sudden bulge that appears in your pants every time you see Cas isn’t a carrot.”

Dean sputtered a useful retort of, “Well—Well,  _you’re_ a carrot!” while Cas dropped his gaze in that way he did when he was blushing but actually wasn’t because his face was about as expressive as a piece of cardboard.

Gabriel was satisfied with this response, and allowed everyone in the room to know this by adopting a smug smirk. He looked back at Sam. “Again,” he said. “I’m bored.”

Sam sighed. “And?”

“And I think we should play Twister!”

“ _Twister_?” Dean said incredulously.

“Yeah, that game your boyfriend kept trying to play that time you told him no one cared if he was broken,” Gabriel said.

“Below the belt, asshat,” growled Dean.

“Like the raging erection you have for Cas right now?” Gabe asked innocently.

Cas cleared his throat. “I believe you do know that Dean and my bond, while profound, is nothing more platonic.”

“Oh,  _sure_ ,” Gabriel replied. “Because the only reason Deano moaned your name a million times in his sleep last night was because he was dreaming of killing demons with you.”

While Castiel’s expression remained blank, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he stole a glance at the mortified Dean, who appeared to want to throttle Gabriel.

“Relax, Rapunzel,” Gabe said airily. “No one’s judging you for wanting Cas to—”

“Okay, enough!” Sam cut in. “We’ll play Twister, Gabe, if it means you’ll stop antagonizing Dean and Cas.”

“Thanks, Sammy!” Gabriel said cheerfully as he hopped off the younger Winchester’s lap and snapped his finger. In the centre of the room appeared a large mat covered in four rows, lengthwise and widthwise, of coloured dots.  

“Gabriel, I swear to god, if you try any shit—” Sam started as he got to his feet.

“Of course I won’t, Samsquatch. What kind of angel d’you think I am?” Gabriel spun around to face him again. “And don’t swear. It’s not ladylike,” he added.

A bitchface to rival the best found its way onto Sam’s face. Gabriel blew him a kiss.

“Okay, so, since you two had crappy childhoods, I’m guessing you don’t know how to play this game,” Gabriel said to Sam and Dean, picking up the spinner and twirling the arrow, “so here are the basics: the arrow lands on a colour and a body part—”

“We know how to play Twister,” snapped Dean as he got to his feet. Castiel nodded, affirming this point. God, did they realise how relationshippy they acted? They frequently finished each other’s sentence and somewhere along the line, Cas had learnt to retrieve a beer for his Dean whenever the Winchester got worked up about something. It was kinda sickening, the way they acted like an old married couple before they’d even deflowered each other of their homosexual terrestrial-celestial virginity.

“Then get into position, kids,” Gabriel commanded, stepping toward his side of the mat.

“If we all play, who’s going to be the referee?” Sam frowned in that way of his that was simultaneously annoying and a little adorable if Gabriel was honest with himself. But since Sam was being stupid, the frown was more annoying than adorable (and Gabriel was thankful for that because he didn’t like thinking Sam Winchester was adorable).

Gabriel shot him an exasperated look. “I’m an angel, moose. You know, the type with magic and all that snazzy stuff.” He rolled his eyes. “And here I was, thinking you were the smart one.”

Sam grumbled something and walked over to the mat, standing opposite Gabriel as Dean and Cas found their spots. Gabriel beamed at them all, pleased to be getting what he wanted, and snapped his fingers.

“ _Player one, Dean, your move is: Right hand, green_ ,” a breathy, feminine voice purred.

Castiel blinked, then asked, “Gabriel, why does that woman sound like she’s climaxing?”

“Because I wanted her to,” Gabriel replied. He thought that answer explained enough. “Dean, your move,” he prompted.

Dean grunted and leaned over to place his hand on the green circle opposite him.

“ _Player two, Castiel, your move is: Left foot, blue_.”

Cas solemnly placed his foot on the circle.

 “ _Player three, Sam, your move is: Left foot, yellow._ ”

“That’s it?” Sam asked, almost uncertainly. When Gabriel said, “Guess so,” he shrugged and stepped onto the mat.

“ _Player four, Gabriel, your move is: left hand, green.”_

Gabriel did as the voice had instructed, leaning down so he was face-to-face with a scowling Dean. “Well, hey there, big boy,” Gabriel said.

“Go to hell.”

“ _Player one, Dean, your move is: right hand, blue_.”

Dean squirmed around for a bit, eventually settling on twisting his body to placing his hand on a circle just beside his left leg, so that he was now facing Castiel.

“ _Player two, Castiel, your move is: Right hand, red._ ”

Cas narrowed his eyes at the line of red circles almost suspiciously, then bent down and placed a hand on one in front of himself. There was a moment of complete silence, save for Gabriel’s cackling, before Cas announced uncertainly, “Dean, my face appears to be parallel to your crotch.”

“Yeah, I realise that, Cas,” Dean replied flatly.

“Is it making you uncomfortable?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“My apologies, Dean.”

Dean grunted (for the third time in the past twenty minutes. Was he a man or a bear? Gabriel was genuinely curious at this point) indifferently, then huffed, “Can we move on?”

“ _Player three, Sam, your move is: Right foot_ , _blue._ ”

After a moment of consideration, Sam lifted his right foot and placed it on the other side of Dean so he stood over him, a leg on either side of the older Winchester’s back.

“Sam,” Dean said sharply, “don’t you dare sit down on my back. Don’t you freakin’ dare.”

A slight smirk tugged at the corner of Sam’s lips.

“ _Player four, Gabriel, your move is: Right foot, yellow._ ”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows in surprise. No matter which circle he chose, he’d still land up in an exceedingly awkward position with one of the Winchesters. Which was not supposed to happen, considering the fact that he’d charmed the spinner to only put Dean and Cas in potentially uncomfortable positions.

Eventually, Gabriel settled for placing his foot on the circle right beneath Dean’s shoulder blades. This resulted in his ass being right next to Dean’s head, but that was Dean’s problem.

“If you fart, you are never coming back to this bunker again,” Dean threatened.

Gabriel didn’t respond, for he was too busy trying to figure out what the hell had happened to the spinner.

The game continued for another half hour; every move was accompanied by some colourful cursing on Dean’s part, and Gabriel became increasingly frustrated with how many times his face was shoved into Sam’s crotch or Sam’s into his. It got to the point where Gabriel was actively controlling the spinner, but whenever it got to his turn, he was once again put in an atrociously awkward position with the younger Winchester.

By the time it got to the point that he and Sam were so entangled that Sam’s arm was between Gabriel’s legs, Gabriel’s leg was tangled in Sam’s, and their foreheads were pressed together, he knew something had to give.

“ _Castiel_!” Gabriel shouted, detangling himself and scrambling to his feet. Sam released a surprised sound and lost his balance, toppling over onto Dean, who, in turn, collapsed on top of Cas. “Stop messing with the game!”

“Speak for yourself,” the other angel retorted. Now straddled by Dean, he had to squirm onto his stomach before crawling out from beneath the two Winchesters. “You were interfering from the start.”

“I wasn’t—” Gabriel started defensively, but Cas’ blue eyes glared at him.

“Gabriel, don’t you believe it’s rather hypocritical of you,” Cas snarled with surprising ferocity, “to accuse Dean and myself of harboring homosexual feelings toward each other whilst refusing to acknowledge the ones you clearly have for Sam?”

There was a muffled, “Hah! Suck on that, asshole!” from beneath Sam. Then, Dean seemed to process what Cas had said, and he poked his head out from beneath his brother’s gigantic form to stare at Gabriel. “Wait, you’re gay for Sammy?”

Gabriel ignored him. “Oh, shut up, Cas. Projecting your big gay panic onto me ain’t gonna make anyone think you and your boyfriend are straight.”

There was a loud thud as Dean managed to shove Sam off himself and get to his feet. Sam released some astonishing profanity as he hauled himself up, muttering to himself.

“Is that so, brother?” Cas asked, his tone dangerously quiet. “Perhaps I’m hallucinating whenever I see you staring at Sam when you believe no one’s watching. Perhaps I’m imagining your tendency to sit closer to Sam than is strictly necessary. Perhaps I’m delusional when I say you almost always choose Sam as your conversational partner, that you ask his advice on matters which require none of his specific expertise, that he is the first person you tell your good news to. I suppose I’m just simply insane for thinking all these things I’ve seen are anything more than figments of my imagination.”

Gabriel’s entire body went rigid and he snarked, “Oh, yeah? Don’t get me started on the way you and Dean eyefuck on an hourly basis. I feel like I’m watching the intro to some porno whenever I see you two! And, Christ, the dreams this kid has. You’re  _lucky_  you can’t read minds, Castiel, because Dean has no walls up around his when he dreams. So for at least four hours every night, I’m subjected to all the ways he wants to screw you. It’s amazing I haven’t barfed! Some of the kinks your boyfriend has— _Jesus_ , is all I can say. Every night, my mind is filled with images of what he thinks you look like naked. Of all the things he wants to do to y—”

“Will you two  _shut up_?” Sam suddenly said, and a second later, a hand grabbed Gabriel’s shoulder and spun him around. Then, Sam’s lips, brief and firm, were pressed to Gabriel’s before the Winchester stepped back to glare at him and Cas. Gabriel sensed that his own shock was mirrored on Castiel’s face.

Beside Sam stood Dean, pale and wide-eyed as he took in the scene. Silence hung in the air for a couple moments. It appeared that everyone was too stunned to say anything—aside from Sam, who just looked too angry to speak.

“Well, Samsquatch,” Gabriel said thinly after a moment in an attempt to break the tension. “That was nice, but I would’ve preferred if you’d at least got me some flowers before you ravished me in front of our brothers—”

“Not a word,” Sam growled. “First of all—Gabriel, you’re an absolute ass for telling Cas and me about Dean’s dreams without his permission. And the way you’re constantly on their asses about how much they want to have sex is really dickish so just stop it, okay? Also, if you wanted to make out with me or whatever, I would’ve preferred it if you just _told_  me. Thanks. Secondly—Dean, Cas, everyone knows you’re in love. There’s no denying it. And, quite frankly, the whole ‘ _no homo!_ ’ act you two have going on is starting to get annoying so just…” He reached out and grabbed Dean and Cas, forcing their faces together so their lips touched in a rather clumsy manner.

There was a yelp of protestation from Dean, and, as per usual, Cas looked exceedingly confused. But after Sam dropped his hands and stepped away from the two, they seemed to relax and, with a little smile on Dean’s part, carefully kissed each other for a moment longer before pulling away to stare at Sam.

“…acknowledge the fact that you are head-over-heels, giddy in love with one another,” Sam continued, his tone now soft. “And that you need each other like you need air. Because everyone else can see it, and it’s time you guys admitted, too.”

Another hush fell over the group until Gabriel let out a low whistle. “That was certainly entertaining.”

Sam’s annoyed expression returned again. “Oh, shut it. Listen, new house rule: if any of us are gonna be gay or attracted to one another or whatever-the-hell, we gotta admit it. Because all this... freakin'... _sexual tension_ is driving me nuts. So, Dean and Cas, go kiss and gush about how much you love each other. I’m going to watch  _Game of Thrones_.” With that, Sam turned and strode off. He paused in his tracks, then, without looking back, added, “And, Gabriel, you can come watch with me, if you want.”

A slow grin broke out on Gabriel’s lips and he jogged to catch up with Sam. The Winchester silently reached out and took Gabriel’s hand, entwining their fingers as he started walking again.

“Well, Sammy, you’re quite the matchmaker,” Gabriel murmured, glancing up to smirk at Sam.

“Don’t make me regret my invitation.”

But Gabriel was certain he saw a smile.


End file.
